My 38 Nicknames While I Have This Flu

Two bread bowls brimming with Cream of Gristle soup.

My brother and his family came to visit for Thanksgiving. Which was great — haven’t seen them in too long, had lots of laughs and good food. But their youngest brought a savage chest cold into our midst, which felled my wife Hallie, and now has colonized my thorax. Here is what I’ve been calling myself:

1. The Phlegm Cannon.
2. Ol’ Achy Bastard.