If You See Something, Drop a Dime
“ICE ERO” is the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency’s Office of Enforcement and Removal Operations — eds.
The President’s weekly radio address, live streamed on the cyber (the style manual is really a moving target of late — eds.) urges Americans to cooperate with authorities in the recently announced crackdown on illegals (seriously, the style manual is spinning like a fucking pinwheel — eds.)
Good morning.
It is I, your President. Working on a Sunday. You know what, though? You deserve my best, some of you.
As you know, the flow of illegals over our borders is now topping 600 million a week, and they are overwhelmingly lepers and suffering from all manner of super-gross diseases. Also criminals, obviously — the bad ones. Like bad-bad. Human traffickers and cannibals, a lot of them. Sad. And a disaster.
So, given the scale of the problem — twice the current population of the US scurrying in like rat-people each and every week — my administration, which, honestly, is the greatest, no? I mean it’s not even close — Lincoln is maybe a distant second. We’ve authorized each and every natural-born American citizen to be deputized in the effort to stem the flow of these awful weasel people who hunger for our flesh.
So listen. If you don’t want a bunch of refugees, so called, to steal and eat your babies while they sleep — and these are dirty, dirty people, which, not a judgement, it’s medical fact — then you will join with officials from a number of departments to root out these foreign jihadis and send them back to Hell. Or Libya. Same diff, am I right?
Not saying you should apprehend — safety, very important — just observe, report in. Like that Mall Cop movie. Was not crazy about the sequel, I’ll be honest. If you just observe and report anything suspicious, our guys will take it from there. Because these agents are phenomenal. Heroes, really.
But if you see a guy. At the gas station, say. Guy with a beard, dark skin. Not saying profile that guy. Saying it’s worth a conversation. You feel like maybe this dark-skinned guy with the big beard is non-local, pick up the phone. All I’m saying. We can take it from there. Some extra vetting. Really extreme. Bigly.
If we as a nation are going to turn this mess around, then are all going to have to pitch in. Slobbering cannibals, mostly, these people. Lot of rape, too. What they do is they rape the babies, lots of times before they eat them. Sometimes after, the raping — they’ll kill them first, then rape. It’s upsetting, I know it is. But who will stop them, if not us? The NATO? Not likely.
So. Conclusion. Stay alert, seriously sharp. Because for every one of us, there are 3 or 4 of them sneaking in. And when they’re all full of baby, what they’ll do — I’ll tell you, this is the real disgrace of it — they’ll pluck a factory or an assembly plant from the edge of town, they’ll mail it to Mexico. Jobs — good jobs — gone. And we are doing things to address that part of it, tough things. But we in this country are being taken advantage of. Stealing the babies and the manufacturing.
Not saying torture. Nobody’s talking about that. But I’d look at it.
So. Nation. Eyes peeled. These beard guys — since I started talking, maybe 14,000 of them have snuck in. 20,000, maybe. Hard to say. Anyhow. We can stop it. If we roll up our sleeves and get to it. Because if we don’t — nothing but dead babies, no jobs. Which is what they want.
You can find longer essays, satire, fiction, and info on the workshops I teach in Chicago on my site: ianbelknap.com — also, check out the WRITE CLUB podcast
